Fuck bitches

fonmasterguard:

So no one at my friend’s old high school is allowed to dress up for halloween anymore because one year this kid came to school on a bike wearing a red jumpsuit with tampons taped to him. He rode around the school telling people he was the menstrual cycle

Unicorns are a symbol of virginity. Reblog if you’re still a unicorn.

umarazaoparaviver:


Forever a Unicorn. No one is majestic enough to ride me.

OH MY GOD. THAT COMMENT.

^^^^^ THE COMMENT IS WIN!!!

Me: Mom...Dad. I've decided to live on my own from now on.
Parents: Ok, cool.
Me: Your luggage is outside
wowfunniestposts:

 this blog is epic
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]

proto-merkabah:

i laughed so hard and now my nose is literally bleeding fuck

OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHHAHA

math test: a farmer plants 7 crops of tomatoes and 3 crops of carrots what is the probablity his moms name is leslie
history test: the american civil war ended in 1865, explain how this had a defining role in the extinction of dinosaurs
literature test: explain what the author meant by, "the apple was as red as an apple"

digatisdi:

When I was in preschool there was this really weird system of time-out where they’d put you in this giant plastic bucket sort of like this one:

And the rule was you couldn’t leave the bucket for ten minutes.

In case you didn’t know, I was what the teachers referred to as a…

ohkiefer:

buryme—marryme:

adamrichins:

Straight up. I’d rather cut off my balls then have kids. Haha

ohkiefer:

buryme—marryme:

adamrichins:

Straight up. I’d rather cut off my balls then have kids. Haha



thorhead:

thorhead:

I wonder if the young girls playing on the trampoline next door know that

  1. I can see them
  2. I can hear them singing You Can’t Stop The Beat from Hairspray
  3. they are really bad singers and
  4. I can probably get a YouTube-worthy video of them from my current position

gUYS I PUT ON MY COUSINS HOCKEY MASK AND STOOD AT THE WINDOW AND YELLED “STOP YOUR INFERNAL SINGSONG I’M TRYING TO MURDER HERE” AND THEY SCREAMED AND TRIED TO RUN AWAY AND ONE FELL OVER AND STARTED CRYING

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

did-yuo-kno:

Stupidity scale, as determined by this blog:

0% STUPIDITY - “Hahaha, this is funny. I am able to recognize and appreciate satire.”

25% STUPIDITY - “Uhh I don’t think I believe this…”

50% STUPIDITY - “Wow, really? I learned something new, I will share this fact with my friends!”

Youshouldbewearingahelmet% STUPIDITY - “UM EXCUSE ME BUT THIS IS FALSE AND HERE IS AN ARTICLE I COPY-PASTED FROM WIKIPEDIA EXPLAINING WHY”